Great Sayings

Chris Rock quotes

2011-12-20T15:12:00.001-08:00

“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.” -Chris Rock

“Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystander .” - Chris Rock

“You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.” - Chris Rock

“Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.” - - Chris Rock

“I was at Michael Jackson's house, and this kid runs out, 'Wait, save me!' ” - Chris Rock

“Not a Harvard-type education, ... Just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education.” - Chris Rock

“George Bush hates midgets.” - Chris Rock

“Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.” - Chris Rock

“Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!” - Chris Rock

“No Sex in the Champagne Room” - Chris Rock

“You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it's your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You're probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you're gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.” - Chris Rock

“Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.” - Chris Rock

Daffy Duck Quotes

2011-12-13T10:21:00.000-08:00

"Ha! Pronoun problems. It's not 'shoot you, shoot you', it's 'shoot me, shoot me'. So, go ahead, shoot ME, shoot ME BLAM!... You're Despicable." - Daffy Duck

"Aha! Pronoun trouble!"- Daffy Duck

"Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich."- Daffy Duck

"Go on! Shoot me again! I enjoy it! I love the smell of burnt feathers and gunpowder and cordite!"- Daffy Duck

"Ho! Ha-ha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust!"- Daffy Duck

"If HE'S a DUCK, then I'm a dirty skunk! BLAM!"- Daffy Duck

"I'll rob that rich person and give it to some poor deserving slob. That will *prove* I'm Robin Hood."- Daffy Duck

"You're Despicable"- Daffy Duck

"I'm going cuckoo, woo hoo"- Daffy Duck

"Watch it, Bub!"- Daffy Duck

"I know, I know, but I can only do it once"- Daffy Duck

"Help me, please. I'm too moist and tender to retire"- Daffy Duck

"It’s supply and demand! They supply the ghost, and I demand the money!"- Daffy Duck

"You wasted a wish! I wish that burrito was stuck on your big dumb nose!"- Daffy Duck

"Wait! I haven’t tried toadying, kowtowing and butt-kissing yet! I’m still begging here!"- Daffy Duck

"I can't help it, I'm a greedy slob"- Daffy Duck

"Ho! Haha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha - THRUST!"- Daffy Duck

"Yikes, and away!"- Daffy Duck

"Ha Ha, it is to laugh"- Daffy Duck

"Down here? What are you doing up there? Down Here!"- Daffy Duck

Steve Jobs Quotes

2011-12-12T12:14:00.000-08:00

A lot of companies have chosen to downsize, and maybe that was the right thing for them. We chose a different path. Our belief was that if we kept putting great products in front of customers, they would continue to open their wallets.
-Steve Jobs-

In most people's vocabularies, design means veneer. It's interior decorating. It's the fabric of the curtains of the sofa. But to me, nothing could be further from the meaning of design. Design is the fundamental soul of a human-made creation that ends up expressing itself in successive outer layers of the product or service.
-Steve Jobs-

The people who are doing the work are the moving force behind the Macintosh. My job is to create a space for them, to clear out the rest of the organization and keep it at bay.
-Steve Jobs-

I'm the only person I know that's lost a quarter of a billion dollars in one year.... It's very character-building.
-Steve Jobs-, Apple Confidential 2.0

Quality is more important than quantity. One home run is much better than two doubles.
-Steve Jobs-, Business Week

I'm convinced that about half of what separates the successful entrepreneurs from the non-successful ones is pure perseverance.
-Steve Jobs-, Interview, 1995

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.
-Steve Jobs-, Stanford Commencement Address, 2005

You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. -Steve Job-

"It's really hard to design products by focus groups. A lot of times, people don't know what they want until you show it to them."
-Steve Jobs-, BusinessWeek, 1998

"Picasso had a saying. He said 'Good artists copy, great artists steal.' And we have always been shameless about stealing great ideas. ... I think part of what made the Macintosh great was that the people working on it were musicians and poets and artists and zoologists and historians who also happened to be the best computer scientists in the world." -Steve Jobs-, "Triumph of the Nerds: The Rise of Accidental Empires," 1996

"Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren't used to an environment where excellence is expected." -Steve Jobs-

"Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn't matter to me. ... Going to bed at night saying we've done something wonderful ... that's what matters to me." -Steve Jobs- ,The Wall Street Journal, 1993

"I want to put a ding in the universe." -Steve Jobs-

"What a computer is to me is the most remarkable tool that we have ever come up with. It's the equivalent of a bicycle for our minds." -Steve Jobs- , "Memory and Imagination: New Pathways to the Library of Congress," 1991

Christmas Quotes

2011-12-11T22:52:00.000-08:00

Have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys. ~Charles Dickens

Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas. ~Peg Bracken

Christmas is for children. But it is for grown-ups too. Even if it is a headache, a chore, and nightmare, it is a period of necessary defrosting of chill and hide-bound hearts. ~Lenora Mattingly Weber

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.
~Kin Hubbard

May the spirit of Christmas bring you peace,The gladness of Christmas give you hope,The warmth of Christmas grant you love.
~Anon

Christmas is not as much about opening our presents as opening our hearts.
~Janice Maeditere

Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind.
~Mary Ellen Chase

It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air.
~W.T. Ellis

I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
~Charles Dickens

Despicable Me Quotes

2011-01-14T09:26:00.001-08:00

Agnes: It's so fluffy, I'm gonna die!
Gru: Do you speak Spanish?
Miss Hattie: Do I look like someone who speaks Spanish?
Gru: It's just that your face is so... Como es burro.
Hattie:Oh! Why, thank you!
Gru: We stole the Statue of Liberty! the minions cheer
Gru: "Freeze ray! Freeze ray! Freeze ray!"
Stuart the Minion: "Whaaaa!?"
Vector: "You done been shrunk!"
Gru :You will not cry, or whine, or laugh, or giggle, or sneeze, or barf, or fart. So no, no, no annoying sounds, alright?
Gru: ...the small one, from Las Vegas! the minions cheers stop
Aww man.. My catapillar never turned into a butterfly That's a cheeto..

Gru: You will not cry, or sneeze or barf or fart! No annoying sounds.
Agnes: Does this count as annoying? [squishes her cheeks] Talking to his neighbor.
Gru: Your dog has been leaving bombs in my yard.
Fred McDade: Oh you know dogs... they go where they want!
Gru: Not if they're dead.
Vector: Curse you, tiny toilet!
Gru: That book was accidentally destroyed maliciously...Asking the kids.
Gru: Did you brush your teeth?
Gru: You did NOT!
Agnes: It's soo FLUFFY!!

Dexter Laboratory Quotes

2010-10-22T21:25:00.000-07:00

DeeDee!! Get out of my laboratory!!!!! -Dexter

You are stupid! You are Stupid! And don't forget....You are STUPID!!-Dexter

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.- Mandark

Dexter's a cookie! -The Mechanical Parrot

Your right. Im not a beefy cake. Im just a, Just a cupcake. -Dexter

Say no more, Dexter, oh ye of little mind. I'll save the day and take all the glory! -Mandark

"Just because I like to have fun doesn't mean I'm stupid Dexter! I may not understand all that scientifical, mathmatical stuff; but I know how to dance, I know how how to pet a kitty, and I know how to tie my shoes Mr.zipper-boots! You toil away, alone in your lab, looking for answers to questions nobody asked. If you really want me to leave, I will! Good-bye Dexter, I won't bother you anymore." -DeeDee

i just like it when he says "U R STUPEED!" the way he says it is funny. -Dexter

"Why don't you go talk to trees, or whatever it is you do!" -Dexter

Yes Dexter, I can read your thoughts. And I AM smarter than you. -Mandark

Dexter, I am your father. Dexter: [Gasp] That's not possible! Oh wait, no, you are right. -Dad Dexter

Great Fish Quotes and Jokes

2010-07-29T11:19:00.000-07:00

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles. - Doug Larson

I got a new fly rod and reel for my wife... best trade I ever made. - Thomas Horan
If fishing is interfering with your business, give up your business. - Alfred W. Miller

Fish and visitors smell in three days. - Benjamin Franklin

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. - Steven Wright

There is no greater fan of fly fishing than the worm. - Patrick McManus
Fishing is a delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes. - Don Marquis
If all politicians fished instead of spoke publicly, we would be at peace with the world. - Will Rogers

Next to Prayer, fishing is the most personal relationship of man. - Herbert Hoover
The fishing was good; it was the catching that was bad. - A.K. Best

The charm of fishing is that it is the pursuit of what is elusive but attainable, a perpetual series of occasions for hope. - John Buchan

My girl gave me the ultimatum 'Its me or your fishing!' Boy, I miss her.
If you are fishing on ice, you should never tell a joke on ice. Why? The ice will crack up!

How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb? One, but you should have seen the bulb, it must have been THIS big.

Have you seen the new fishing website? No, it’s not 'on-line' yet.
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.

Men and fish are alike. They both get into trouble when they open their mouths.
What did Noah do while spending time on the ark? Fished, but he didn’t catch much. He only had two worms!

What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fish!

Why are fish so smart? They are always in schools!

What did the sardine call the submarine? A can of people!

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Internet and he won't bother you for weeks.

Why are fish so gullible? They fall for things hook, line and sinker!

Where are most fish found? Between the head and the tail!

What’s the best way to catch a fish? Have someone throw it at you.

What is the difference between a fish and a piano? You can't tuna fish.

Can I have a fly rod and reel for my son? Fishing Shop Owner: Sorry sir we don't do trades.

What should you do if you find a shark in your bed? Sleep somewhere else.

Give a man a fish, and you satisfy his fish craving for a day. Give him fish aversion therapy, and you eliminate the craving for life.

Give a man a fish and hope he's not a vegan.

Give a man a fish; you have fed him for a day. Teach a man to fish; and you have fed him for a lifetime. Teach a man to sell fish and he eats steak.

Give a fish a bicycle, and it falls down all day. Teach a fish to bicycle, and it joins a circus.

Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Unless he doesn't like sushi, then you also have to teach him to cook.

Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you can sell him fishing equipment.

Great Star Trek Quotes

2009-05-08T17:00:00.000-07:00

Beam me up Scotty - Captain Kirk

Spock, will you please sit down! - Captain Kirk

Where's that torpedo? - Captain Kirk

Vulcans never bluff. - Spock

You! What PLANET is this! - Dr. McCoy

I'm attempting to construct a mnemonic memory circuit, using stone knives and bearskins. - Spock

Mister Chekov, I think you've earned your pay for the week. - Kirk

Doctor, if you don't cease your meddling, I will most certainly break your neck! - Dr. McCoy

We come in peace. - Captain Kirk

I guess you'll have to fire me, sir. - Scott

Sir, you are a superb starship captain. But as a taxi driver, you leave much to be desired. - Spock

Spock, wheres the power you promised? - Captain Kirk

You can't appreciate Shakespeare until you've read him in the original Klingon. - Chang

Logic is the beginning of wisdom; not the end. - Spock

Mr. Spock, the women on your planet are logical. That's the only planet in the galaxy that can make that claim. - Kirk

Live long and prosper - Spock

Spock. This child is about to wipe out every living thing on Earth. Now, what do you suggest we do....spank it? - Dr. McCoy

Don't call me Tiny - Sulu

Shut-up, Spock! We're rescuing you! - McCoy

I'm beginning to think I can cure a rainy day! - McCoy

Everyone remember where we parked. - Captain Kirk

I was out saving the galaxy when your grandfather was in diapers! - Captain Kirk

Emotions are alien to me. I'm a scientist. - Spock

He's dead, Jim - McCoy

Live long and prosper. - Spock

Many Myths are based on truth - Spock

Well, what do you know? I finally got the last word. - McCoy

Where're you gonna find Spock's brain? - McCoy

I cannot guarantee that she'll hold up. - Scott

How can you think of food at a time like this? - McCoy

Torpedoes ready, sir. - Chekov

Remember. - Spock

What am I, a doctor or a moon shuttle conductor? - Dr. McCoy

I'm a doctor, not a bricklayer. - Dr. McCoy

I'm a doctor, not a coal miner. - Dr. McCoy

I'm a doctor, not a psychiatrist. - Dr. McCoy

I'm a doctor, not an escalator. - Dr. McCoy

I'm a doctor, not an engineer. - Dr. McCoy

I'm a doctor, not a mechanic. - Dr. McCoy

I'm a doctor, not a psychiatrist. - Dr. McCoy

Well, are you a doctor or aren't you? - Captain Kirk

Bill Cosby Quotes & Sayings

2009-03-03T21:43:00.000-08:00

My father walked to school, 4'oclock every morning. With no shoes on. Up a hill, both ways in 5 feet of snow, and he was thankful. - Bill Cosby

My mother was an authority on pigsties. This is the worst looking pigsty I've ever seen in my life. - Bill Cosby

You know I brought you in this world, I'll take you out. - Bill Cosby

You know my father's favorite game? "Come here and pull my finger." - Bill Cosby
Oba kaybe - Bill Cosby

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. - Bill Cosby

As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by "survival of the fittest." - Bill Cosby

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. - Bill Cosby

An American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread. - Bill Cosby

Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet. - Bill Cosby

When you become senile, you won't know it. - Bill Cosby

You see a long time ago before you were born, I prayed that God would give me a son to carry on the family name. And you were born. And I've watched you do things. And many times I've wanted to ask you not to tell anyone who you are. - Bill Cosby

Look, I'm not going to put pressure on the boy. If he's good... Great. If he's bad... If he quits, he's dead. - Bill Cosby

Try to be rational? I'll tell you how rational I can be. I hope that he goes out into the wilderness and gets poision ivy, and comes back and I have to treat him then he will find out how much sick people get charged. - Bill Cosby

A pelican that is wet walks with a gated limp, but a dry fish swims alone. - Bill Cosby

Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think. - Bill Cosby

What's your name again? That's right. I'm so glad you know your name. - Bill Cosby

After you take off your coats, go to sleep... Then in the morning I'll take you all home. - Bill Cosby

Repeat after me. I promise not to run outside of the house. I promise not to run inside of the house. I promise not to touch, pick up, step on, anything that looks interesting. - Bill Cosby

It says here that you are a compulsive gambler and that you are wanted by the police. Is this correct? - Bill Cosby

Have you ever had a cookie? Then you won't get any here either. - Bill Cosby

You have the triptopanaseas. - Bill Cosby

The Powerpuff Girls Quotes

2008-11-15T22:59:00.000-08:00

And there were some guts. Oh, I didn't like the guts. Yuck. - Bubbles

Think, girls, think. Except you, Bubbles. - Blossom

Son, when I was your age, I was 12. - Townsville Citizen

Hi. I'm Bubbles. What's your name? What grade are you in? What's your favorite color? What's your favorite animal? Do you like drawing? - Bubbles

Ouch! The broccoli's on the roof! - Buttercup

Do you think I'm blind? Of course I smell it. - Mayor of Townsville

Careful, Bubbles. Your ego is showing. - Buttercup

Mayor, you could have mentioned the caveman and mastadon when you called before. - Blossom

So once again, the day is saved! Thanks to the Powerpuff Girls! - Narrator

Oh, I knew this would happen. My first attempts always turn out to be disasters. Blossom is all crusty, Buttercup is hardly perfect, and Bubbles - ugh! Just horrible. - Professor Utonium

Wanna arm wrestle? - Buttercup

Hey you kids, get out of my moat, it was not meant to be played in. I must remember to destroy those kids after my breakfast has been eaten. - Mojo Jojo

Mojo was hurt and I would have kissed his little boo boo but then I realized he was a bad monkey so I kicked him in his face. - Bubbles

My crayons are beautiful, they're just not magic. - Bubbles

Yeah, it was a big machine, bigger than his laser machine even! It was bigger, bigger than any bigger machine! Or even bigger than the biggest machine that's bigger than bigger! - Bubbles

Bubbles! Put down that stupid octopus and help us with this stupid octopus! - Buttercup

Don't just harm an insect just because it's yucky on the outside. It's the insect inside that counts. - Professor Utonium

Um, well, I'm sure to the untrained eye, this drawing may seem like one of mine. But if you look closer, you'll see it's an obvious attempt at pseudo-impressionism, while I deal strictly in realism. Bye! - Bubbles

We're the Powerpuff Girls - Blossom

Would you stop destroying Townsville with your evil zombie magic, please? - Blossom

The City of Townsville - Narrator

OK, let's take care of these knuckleheads and get back to school. - Buttercup

Professor, Please disregard first note. I have Blossom. Come alone to my lair. Do not bring Buttercup or Bubbles. You must come without them! When you arrive, you must not be accompanied by anyone, especially Buttercup and Bubbles; they are to remain uninformed by you by not telling them anything. - Mojo Jojo

Duhhhh! - Bubbles

Excuse me sir, but can you direct me to the location of where I can locate some eggs for I would like to purchase them so that I can take them home with me and I can eat them today. And maybe tomorrow. - Mojo Jojo

We're superheroes! - Bubbles

Don't get me wrong. Destroying Townsville on a daily basis is a pretty good gig. But to be able to take away that which gave you so much joy, to destroy your happiness is just so much more satisfying to the soul. - Mojo Jojo

It was the candy that did this to us. The candy made us something we're not. - Bubbles

Fred Flintstone Quotes

2008-11-09T18:13:00.000-08:00

Yabba Dabba Doo!!! - Fred Flintstone

Don't toy with me, Barn. - Fred Flintstone

Where's your get up and go? It just got up and went. - Fred Flinstone

You're too fat, Fred! - Barney Rubble

Sometimes I just don't know what's the matter with men. - Betty Rubble

Bam! Bam! Bam! - Bam Bam

Wilma!!! - Fred Flinstone

My name is Mr. Frederick J. Blublublubluh. - Fred Flinstone

The nerve of that guy, waking up a man in his hammoc - Fred Flinstone

Why can't they invent something for us to marry instead of women? - Fred Flinstone

Oh Fred! - Wilma Flintstone

And what may I ask do you think you're doing? - Fred Flintstone

Ahhh, seatbealts are for kids. - Fred Flintstone

I told you to buckle the seat belt. - Barney Rubble

Fred, why don't you go outside and vroom that lawn mower around the yard. - Wilma Flinstone

What do you say partner, is it a deal? - Fred Flinstone

Wilma, where's my razor? Wilma, where's breakfast? - Fred Flinstone?

All right rubble, what is this? Fred Flinstone

You want to get in the game Fred? You could use some exercise around that infield there. - Barney Rubble

If Fred doesn't come home soon, dinner will be ruined. - Wilma Flinstone

Wilma, I'm back! - Fred Flinstone

Nobody's pushing me around. My decision stands! - Fred Flinstone.

Freddy Flinstone, You're all heart and a yard wide - Wilma Flinstone

Don't count your bowling balls before they're hatched, Fred - Barney Rubble

Make it good Fred, I gotta tell Betty the same story. - Barney Rubble

Put daddy down Bam Bam. Ouch! Not on the head. - Barney Rubble

I don't want to hear any more about it! - Fred Flinstone

That does it! - Fred Flintstone

Star Wars Quotes - Luke, Darth Vader, Yoda

2008-07-22T22:22:00.000-07:00

No, I am your father. - Darth Vader

We seem to be made to suffer. It must be our lot in life. - C-3PO

Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope. - Princess Leia

Can someone get this walking carpet out of my way!!! - Princess Leia

Who is the more foolish? The fool or the fool that follows him? - Obi-Wan Kenobi

May the Force be with you. - Yoda

The Force is strong with this one. - Darth Vader

Help! I think I'm melting! This is all your fault! - C3PO

I find your lack of faith disturbing. - Darth Vader

Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, boy. - Han Solo quotes

Here we go again - Luke

What is thy bidding my master? - Darth Vader

Mmm. Lost a planet, Master Obi-Wan has. How embarrassing. How embarrassing. - Yoda

Always two there are, a master and an apprentice. - Yoda

The Force will be with you, always. - Obi-Wan Kenobi

Do or do not... there is no try. - Yoda

Truly wonderful, the mind of a child is. - Yoda

A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack. - Yoda

Beware of the dark side. - Yoda

I will deal with them myself - Darth Vader

We're doomed. - C3PO

We surrender. - C3PO

Darth Vader. Only you could be so bold. - Princess Leia

Use the Force, Luke. - Obi-Wan Kenobi

Jabba, you're a wonderful human being. - Han Solo

C-3PO: And I am C-3PO, human-cyborg relations. And this is my counterpart R2D2.
Watch your mouth kid, or you’ll find yourself floating home. - Han Solo

Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. - Yoda

Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid. - Han Solo

It's against my programming to impersonate a deity. - C3PO

R2-D2, you know better than to trust a strange computer. - C3PO

Your eyes can deceive you; don't trust them. - Obi-Wan Kenobi

Point that thing some place else! - Han Solo

Quotes by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)

2008-07-09T17:09:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it. - Mark Twain

There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice. - Mark Twain

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. - Mark Twain

Always do right; this will gratify some and astonish the rest. - Mark Twain

It is easier to stay out than get out. - Mark Twain

Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand. - Mark Twain

The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right. - Mark Twain

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain

To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence. - Mark Twain

We consider that any man who can fiddle all through one of those Virginia Reels without losing his grip, may be depended upon in any kind of musical emergency. - Mark Twain

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand. - Mark Twain

Golf is a good walk spoiled. - Mark Twain

Do not put off till tomorrow what can be put off till day-after-tomorrow just as well. - Mark Twain

When you cannot get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one. - Mark Twain

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a man and a dog. - Mark Twain

Providence protects children and idiots. I know because I have tested it. - Mark Twain

The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop. - Mark Twain

Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething. - Mark Twain

Let us be thankful for fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed. - Mark Twain

Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark Twain

One of the striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. - Mark Twain

Giving up smoking is easy...I've done it hundreds of times. - Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society. - Mark Twain

It is better to have old second-hand diamonds than none at all. - Mark Twain

The report of my death was an exaggeration. - Mark Twain

Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. - Mark Twain

Buy land. They've stopped making it. - Mark Twain

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. - Mark Twain

The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money. - Mark Twain

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. - Mark Twain

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. - Mark Twain

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain. - Mark Twain

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. - Mark Twain

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. - Mark Twain

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed. - Mark Twain

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself. - Mark Twain

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided. - Mark Twain

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. - Mark Twain

You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label. - Mark Twain

Once you've put one of his books down, you simply can't pick it up again. - Mark Twain

The best way to cheer yourself is to cheer somebody else up. - Mark Twain

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. - Mark Twain

Put all your eggs in one basket, and watch that basket! - Mark Twain

All generalizations are false, including this one. - Mark Twain

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. - Mark Twain

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. - Mark Twain

Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often. - Mark Twain

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. - Mark Twain

A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is just putting on its shoes. - Mark Twain

Classic... A book which people praise and don't read. - Mark Twain

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. - Mark Twain

In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards. - Mark Twain

Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough. - Mark Twain

It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. - Mark Twain

Get the facts first. You can distort them later. - Mark Twain

When in doubt, tell the truth. - Mark Twain

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. - Mark Twain

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising. - Mark Twain

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them. - Mark Twain

The difference between the right word and almost the right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug. - Mark Twain

If you have nothing to say, say nothing. - Mark Twain

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not. - Mark Twain

Quotes From Will Smith

2008-06-16T12:28:00.000-07:00

Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like. - Will Smith

You can cry, ain't no shame in it. - Will Smith

I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat. - Will Smith

Money and success don't change people; they merely amplify what is already there. - Will Smith

Well, all I know is what I read in the papers. - Will Smith

Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. - Will Smith

So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. - Will Smith

I ain't heard no fat lady! - Will Smith - Independance Day

[What would you say if a man walked in here with no shirt and I hired him? What would you say?] He must have had on some really nice pants. - Will Smith - Pursuit of Happyness

I hear you lost your swing. I guess we got to go find it. - Will Smith - Bagger Vance

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. - Will Smith

Carlton, I think you've been deprived of oxygen at birth. - Will Smith - Fresh Prince of Bell Air

Could you drop me off at the beach? No, scratch that. Drop me off a couple of blocks from the beach. The honeys will get nervous if they see me with a midget. - Will Smith - Fresh Prince of Bell Air

Uncle Phil, I don't think all this legal talk is gonna work. I mean, the only legal phrase these people know is, "Will the defendant please rise?" - Will Smith - Fresh Prince of Bell Air

Ding dong the cricket's dead, Ashley's grounded now you all go to bed. - Will Smith - Fresh Prince of Bell Air

Ain't nobody gonna make me forget about my fiance. I love, Lucy. - Will Smith - Fresh Prince of Bell Air

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't driving around on a bus and having a campfire kind of adding to the environment problem? - Will Smith - Fresh Prince of Bell Air

Let's get one thing straight, I don't look like Carlton, I don't act like Carlton, and most importantly I don't look like Carlton! - Will Smith - Fresh Prince of Bell Air

Having her home all the time is great. She picks our clothes out for us, makes our lunches, cuts the crust off the ends of our bread...That women must be stopped! - Will Smith - Fresh Prince of Bell Air

Lying to mommy Hilary? I feel revenge is in my grasp. This looks like a job for Sherlock Homeboy. - Will Smith - Fresh Prince of Bell Air

He trips underwater. Now who in the halibut trips underwater? And by the way, on what? - Will Smith as Oscar in Shark Tale

Ernie! Bernie! My jellyfish brothers! Booyakah! - Will Smith as Oscar in Shark Tale

Sometimes I just be coughing for nothin'! - Will Smith as Oscar in Shark Tale

You tell Don Lame-o that I don't ever, ever, ever, never ever want to see another shark around this reef again! Ever! - Will Smith as Oscar in Shark Tale

Gordon, when you tell this story to your grandkids, you be sure to leave this part out. - Will Smith as Captain James West in Wild Wild West

I have a telegram for a Dr. Loveless. It's from his mother, Irene. She's telling him to come on home, stop all this foolishness. - Will Smith as Captain James West in Wild Wild West

He has an 80-foot tarantula. - Will Smith as Captain James West in Wild Wild West

Well, Dr. Loveless. I bet you thought that was pretty funny, dancing on my head and all. Now, if you ask me, someone owes someone else here an apology. - Will Smith as Captain James West in Wild Wild West

Scooby Doo Quotes

2008-05-16T15:17:00.000-07:00

I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for you meddling kids. - Villain

Let's do what we do best Scoob, eat. - Shaggy

Now listen up, there is absolutely no such thing as a... MONSTER! - Freddy

Scooby-Doo, where are you? - Shaggy

Let's split up, gang! - Freddy

Jinkies! - Velma

Nice work Scoob! - Freddy

This place makes me so nervious, all I can think of is food! - Shaggy

Zoinks, it's the creepy coin collector again! - Shaggy

Scooby, like wow! Too late! He's gone to that great boneyard in the sky! - Shaggy

Maybe we can dig up some answers to this mystery! - Freddy

No Shaggy, we're going to Solve this mystery! - Freddy

Well gang, I guess that wraps up the mystery. - Freddy

Scooby Doobie Doooo! - Scooby Doo

Would you do it for a Scoobie Snack? - Daffanie

It sure would help if we could find another clue! - Freddy

Like wow! Look at all them finger prints - Shaggy

Wait a minute, Ghosts can't leave fingerprints! - Daffanie

Like there's times I'll do anything for a Scoobie Snack - Shaggy

Zoinks, It's the goonie ghost! - Shaggy

He thought he could scare you into giving up the family fortune - Freddy

Boy oh boy, it's a flying skeleton! - Scrappy Doo

Spider Man Quotes

2008-04-28T13:29:00.000-07:00

Go web. Fly. Up, up, and away web! Shazam! Go! Go! Go web go! Tally ho! - Peter Parker

I dont suppose I could convince you to come up here and fight like a spider? - Spider Man

Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. - Spider Man

We'll meet again, Spider-Man! - Green Goblin

Work was murder! - Green Goblin

Can Spider-Man come out to play? - Green Goblin

Oh come on, now, you're not gonna fall for the old 'command to attack' ploy, are you? - Spider Man

You've spun your last web, Spider-Man. - Green Goblin

The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout. Down came the Goblin and took the spider out. - Green Goblin

You are so fat that your high school yearbook photo was taken from a helicopter! Ooh, tough room. Ok, how about... you're so fat that when you get on a scale, it says "One At a Time". - Spider Man

It's not nice to rob banks in Mr. Spiderman's neighborhood. Can you say, "I'm going to jail"? - Spider Man

Oh! I think I just shot webs out of my nose! - Spider Man

I haven't seen you this angry since the Colonel wouldn't tell you his recipe for his secret spices. - Spider Man

Did it ever occur to you that maybe...just maybe...if you’re nice to people, they might LET you rule the world? - Spider Man

Holographic zombies? Where'd you get the idea from... Scooby-Doo? - Spider Man

Can you spell rhetorical? - Spider Man

Your belly button makes an echo - Spider Man

If you were a truck you would have a wide load sign. When you back up you can hear a beeping sound. - Spider Man

Quotes from Hanna Montana

2008-04-03T12:34:00.000-07:00

Yall wouldn't last 10 minutes in Tennessee!

Sweet Niblets!

Being a teenage girl is harder than going through a balloon shop with a porcupine purse.

Hi Hi!

Like walking barefoot through a field of cows after their mornin sit-down.

Yanked him out like a hungry raccoon in a doughnut shop dumpster.

That boy flip-flops more than a catfish in a moon bouncer.
Sweet Nibblets!

You buy a thirsty man a cow and he'll have all the milk he wants, but he still won't have enough to wash down his cookies.

Ya Think?

It's on like mud on a pig.

Bunny man say what?

Mean girl say what?

Weirdo say what?

You don't have to be a rocket scientist to smell like one.

2008-03-21T16:27:00.000-07:00

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0

The glass is neither half-full nor half-empty: it's twice as big as it needs to be.

Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paper clips."

Programmers are tools for converting caffeine into code.

To err is human... to really foul up requires the root password.

To go forward, you must backup

Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems. - Paul Erdos

If there is a God, he's a great mathematician. - Paul Dirac

Mathematics is radical!

You don't have to be a rocket scientist to smell like one.

You might be qualified to work for NASA if...

you're insulted at jokes about rocket scientists
you wear a T-Shirt that says "Mathematicians count!"
you have no life and can prove it mathematically
you take the derivative of the square root of your apple pie.
you wear a T-Shirt that says "Physicists matter!"
you frequently whistle the theme song to "Mission Impossible"
your college professors ask you for help teaching the lesson
your primary diet is soda and day-old pizza
you go to the store and contemplate how you would have designed the cash register
your idea of weekend fun is to write instruction sets for your pet robot dog

Quotes from Way of the Master Radio

2007-05-01T09:15:00.000-07:00

I'm a lemming. Lead me to the cliff. - Tony, Way of the Master Radio

Wow! You're Lipbidextrous. - Tony, Way of the Master Radio

I just killed the spit germs from myself, because I can get sick from me. - Todd Friel, Way of the Master Radio

So, everybody got together for an evolutionary meeting, took a vote, and decided that the best solution was to evolve feet. - Todd Friel, Way of the Master Radio

That's Mr. Mr. Friel to you! - Todd Friel, Way of the Master Radio

Schmooley! Schmooley! Schmooley! - Todd Friel, Way of the Master Radio

Say this simple prayer, and see what happens! Not! - Todd Friel, Way of the Master Radio

That was a complete dog's breakfast! - Todd Friel, Way of the Master Radio

My god is Brutus Beefcake, am I wrong? - Todd Friel, Way of the Master Radio

Wait a second, are we still on? - Todd Friel, Way of the Master Radio

Oh no!!! I was only kidding about Jesus being better than drugs. - Todd Friel, Way of the Master Radio

I feel very confident that I can bench press you. I'm drinking vitamin water. - Todd Friel, Way of the Master Radio

Read your bible & pray. Next Question. - Announcer, Way of the Master Radio

I could see their point, sort of. Well... if I had a concussion - Tony, Way of the Master Radio

Without further adue... and we all know, this show has plenty of dew. - Todd Friel, Way of the Master Radio

This isn't Jazz! This is infinite monkeys on infinite instruments annoying me. - Tony, Way of the Master Radio

Put it in my thingie magiggie bob. Thank you. I don't want to get all technical about the lingo. - Todd Friel, Way of the Master Radio

Quotes from Johnny Carson

2006-09-29T15:35:00.000-07:00

Your chances of getting struck by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky, and say "Storms suck!" - Johnny Carson

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. - Johnny Carson

Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair. - Johnny Carson

For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. - Johnny Carson

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.- Johnny Carson

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself. - Johnny Carson

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money. - Johnny Carson

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die. - Johnny Carson

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson

He couldn't ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner. - Johnny Carson

People will pay more to be entertained than educated. - Johnny Carson

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved. - Johnny Carson

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. - Johnny Carson

We have two kinds of air: regular and chunky style. - Johnny Carson

Michael Jordan Quotes

2006-06-14T15:29:00.000-07:00

I can accept failure, but I can't accept not trying. - Michael Jordan

Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence win championships. - Michael Jordan

Just play. Have fun. Enjoy the game. - Michael Jordan

I never looked at the consequences of missing a big shot... when you think about the consequences you always think of a negative result. - Michael Jordan

Always turn a negative situation into a positive situation. - Michael Jordan

I've failed over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed. - Michael Jordan

I don't do things half-heartedly. Because I know if I do, then I can expect half-hearted results. - Michael Jordan

You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them. - Michael Jordan

There is no "i" in team but there is in win. - Michael Jordan

I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. - Michael Jordan

Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence wins championships. - Michael Jordan

My body could stand the crutches but my mind couldn't stand the sideline. - Michael Jordan

If you're trying to achieve, there will be roadblocks... But obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it. - Michael Jordan

My heroes are and were my parents. I can't see having anyone else as my heroes. - Michael Jordan

Thanks guys, you got a lot of... a lot of... well, whatever it is, you got a lot of it. - Michael Jordan - Space Jam

Listen, this is a man's game. You can't play! - Michael Jordan - Space Jam

Steve Martin Quotes

2006-01-19T09:39:00.000-08:00

I want a Hamburger. - Steve Martin - The Pink Panther

Boy, those French: They have a different word for everything! - Steve Martin

Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is. - Steve Martin

Comedy may be big business but it isn't pretty. - Steve Martin

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

I am a wild and crazy guy! - Steve Martin

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot. - Steve Martin

I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an arctic wilderness. - Steve Martin

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. - Steve Martin

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper. - Steve Martin

I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't. - Steve Martin

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture. - Steve Martin

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won't stand for that. - Steve Martin

What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke. - Steve Martin

When your hobbies get in the way of your work - that's OK; but when your hobbies get in the way of themselves... well. - Steve Martin

You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies. - Steve Martin

A celebrity is anyone who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair. - Steve Martin

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars. - Steve Martin
You son of a motherless goat! - Steve Martin

She had the personality of a ZIP code in Kansas! - Steve Martin

A kiss may not be the truth, but it is what we wish were true. - Steve Martin

I'm a bitter, sad, sour young man who makes a career out of hastling people with real careers. - Steve Martin

Well, we're just gonna have to use our brains. - Steve Martin

Let us just say: I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it, because I was so happy all the time. - Steve Martin

I know we've only known each other 4 weeks and 3 days, but to me it seems like 9 weeks and 5 days. - Steve Martin

The greatest thing you can do is suprise yourself. - Steve Martin

All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work. - Steve Martin

I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them. - Steve Martin

The Incredibles Movie Quote

2005-04-06T15:52:00.000-07:00

No matter how many times you save the world, it always manages to get back in jeopardy again. Sometimes I just want it to stay saved, you know? - Mr Incredible - The Incredibles

In a stunning turn of events, a superhero is being sued for saving someone who, apparently, didn't want to be saved. - The Incredibles

Oh my you've gotten fat. - Edna Mode - The Incredibles

They keep finding new ways to celebrate mediocrity. - Mr Incredible - The Incredibles

So now I am in deep trouble. I mean one more jolt of this death ray and I am an epitaph. Somehow I manage to find cover, and what does Baron von Ruthless do? He starts monologuing! He starts like this prepared speech about how feeble I am compared to him, how inevitable my defeat is, how the world will soon be his. - Frozone - The Incredibles

You're trying to pick a fight, but I'm still just happy you're alive! - Mr Incredible - The Incredibles

Luck favors the prepaired. - Edna Mode - The Incredibles

There's no school like the old school! - The Incredibles

This is the part where you run away. - The Incredibles

SpongeBob Squarepants Quotes

2005-03-25T08:57:00.000-08:00

Guess what I found in my sock last night. Go ahead, guess! - Spongebob SquarepantIsn't this great Squidward?

Its just the 3 of us. You, me, and this brick wall you built between us. - Spongebob Squarepants

You mean what we thought they thought we think and thought they thought. We think? - Patrick

Lets get naked! - Patrick

I smell the smelly smell of something that smells smelly. - Mr. Krabs

Oh, barnacles! - Spongebob Squarepants

Squidward, you're steaming. You're like a steamed vegetable, only smarter! - Spongebob Squarepants

Next, I suppose you'll want me to go square-dancing with Patrick! - Squidward

Rectangles! - Patrick

Remember, licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets! - Spongebob Squarepants

Can't have dirty garbage! - Spongebob Squarepants

This city needs to be destroyed!!! Or at least painted another color. - Squidward

I can't see my forehead! - Patrick

My ice cream! It's alive! - Patrick

Oh well, I guess I'm not wearing any pants today! - Spongebob Squarepants

Did I? Did I Patrick? Or did your criminal mind hypnotize me into stealing the balloon? - Spongebob Squarepants

Moss always points to civilization. - Spongebob Squarepants

We'd better do what he says, he knows how to grow food. - Patrick

Too bad SpongeBob isn't here to enjoy SpongeBob not being here. - Squidward

You can't fool me. I listen to public radio! - Squidward

Patrick! You forgot how to eat again! Come on, I'll get the funnel! - Spongebob Squarepants

I just thought of something even funnier than 24... 25! - Spongebob Squarepants

Excuse me, sir, but you're sitting on my body, which is also my face. - Spongebob Squarepants

Gary, I'm absorbing his blows like I'm made of some sort of spongy material. - Spongebob Squarepants

You tell 'em, SpongeBob! - Patrick

I'm so cold, I can use my nose drippings as chopsticks. - Spongebob Squarepants

Insurance is what I need for a Crabby Patty - Patrick

Sponge, I'm a big man. A big, big man! - Patrick

Squidward, your ceiling is talking to me. - Patrick

Insurance is what I need for a Crabby Patty - Patrick

Emeril Lagasse Quotes

2005-03-21T13:08:00.000-08:00

BAM! - Emeril Lagasse

This is so good, you can eat it off a bumper. - Emeril Lagasse

Let's kick it up a notch! - Emeril Lagasse

Oh yeah, babe! - Emeril Lagasse

So not too long ago I said to myself, "Self, why not write a special cookbook..." - Emeril Lagasse

We'll add a little pinch of cin-in-in-muh-mum - Emeril Lagasse

Kickin' it up to notches unknown Baby! - Emeril Lagasse

Get to know your bird - Emeril Lagasse
Use your knob - Emeril Lagasse

We aren't building rocket ships here! - Emeril Lagasse

"...and about 88 cloves of garlic - Emeril Lagasse

It's ok ma'm, I do this for a living - Emeril Lagasse

They've got lunatics across the street. We've got Food! - Emeril Lagasse

Make some friends! - Emeril Lagasse

I don't know where you buy your flour, but mine doesn't come seasoned! - Emeril Lagasse

Alton Brown

2005-03-21T07:55:00.000-08:00

Warning: if you’ve received an email from me…you probably didn’t. - Alton Brown

I am after all a Georgia boy despite the fact that I was born in California. (Both my parents were from Georgia...they just got a little lost when they got married is all). - Alton Brown

someone out there may suspect that I don’t know my grits... which is almost too much for me to bare. - Alton Brown

I have decided to move from the planet. I’m sorry but I simply cannot remain on a world where Paris Hilton is allowed to publish “memoirs”. - Alton Brown

If that thought-provoking line doesn’t calm your overwrought culinary sensibilities, then try this one from Flo down at Mel’s Diner. “Kiss my grits.” - Alton Brown

And if ya don't like it ye can git yer own dang cookin' show. - Alton Brown

Jim Carey Quotes

2005-03-15T09:08:00.000-08:00

If I'm not back in a five minutes, wait longer. - Jim Carey - Ace Ventura Pet Dective

Its exactly two seconds 'til I honk your nose and pull your underwear over your head! - Jim Carey - The Mask

Hey, maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number still 911? Aaaalrighty then. - Jim Carey - Ace Ventura Pet Dective

Your request is not unlike your lower intestine, stinky and loaded with danger. - Jim Carey - Ace Ventura Pet Dective

No, it wasn't me, it was the one armed men. - Jim Carey - The Mask

Life is a fragile thing, Har. One minute you're chewin' on a burger, the next minute you're dead meat. - Jim Carey - Dumb and Dumber

That's it, I've had it with this dump! We got no food, we got no jobs, our pet's heads are falling off!!

Yeah and your ugly. - Jim Carey - Ace Ventura Pet Detective

It's party time. P, A, R, T. Why? Because I gotta! - Jim Carey - The Mask

Fi, fy, fo, fum, I smell the fingerprints of scum. - Jim Carey - Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls

One man's toxic waste is another man's potpourri. - Jim Carey - How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Blast this Christmas music! It's joyful and triumphant. - Jim Carey - How the Grinch Stole Christmas

You know what the trouble about real life is? There's no danger music. - Jim Carey - The Cable Guy

Martha Stewart Quotes

2005-03-14T09:11:00.000-08:00

I catnap now and then, but I think while I nap, so it's not a waste of time. - Martha Stewart

I have done nothing wrong. - Martha Stewart

I want you to know that I am innocent - and that I will fight to clear my name. - Martha Stewart

I was married for 30 years. Isn't that enough? I've had my share of dirty underwear on the floor. - Martha Stewart

Life is too complicated not to be orderly. - Martha Stewart

Without an open-minded mind, you can never be a great success. - Martha Stewart

I'm not a sponge exactly, but I find that something I look at is a great opportunity for ideas. - Martha Stewart

I find that when you have a real interest in life and a curious life, that sleep is not the most important thing. - Martha Stewart

I think it's very important that whatever you're trying to make or sell, or teach has to be basically good. A bad product and you know what? You won't be here in ten years. - Martha Stewart

You know, in China they say, 'The thinner the chopsticks, the higher the social status.' Of course, I got the thinnest I could find.....that's why people hate me. - Martha Stewart

Batman and Robin Quotes

2005-03-11T11:12:00.000-08:00

Mr. Freeze, give yourself up. We can get help for you... medical help! - Batman

Why is a woman in love like a welder? Because they both carry a torch! - Batman

Egads! What sorcery is this? There was enough paralyzing gas in that cork to keep ordinary men
unconscious for hours! - Joker

You've tripped on one of your tricks this time, Joker! - Robin

No use, Joker! I knew you'd employ your sneezing powder, so I took an Anti-Allergy Pill! Instead of a SNEEZE, I've caught YOU, COLD! - Batman

Here comes the bride, all bagged and tied! - Penguin
Holy bill of rights, Batman! - Robin

Holy haberdashery, Batman! - Robin

Holy atomic pile, Batman! - Robin

Holy priceless collection of Etruscan snoods! - Robin

Holey rusted metal, Batman! The ground. It's all metal. It's full of holes. You know, holey. - Robin

The way we get into these scrapes and get out of them, it's almost as though someone was dreaming up these situations; guiding our destiny. - Robin

The opposite of a girl is a boy! - Robin

It's Alfred's emergency belt-buckle Bat-call signal! He's in trouble! - Batman

I never touch spirits. Have you some milk? - Batman

Same Bat time, Same bat channel. - Narrator

Come on, Robin, to the Bat Cave! There's not a moment to lose! - Batman

Wait til they getta loada me - Joker

Never rub another man's rhubarb. - Joker

I've been dead once already; it's very liberating. You might think of it as... therapy. - Joker

You should have let me in on this. We could have planned it, prepared it, pre-sold the movie rights! - Riddler

Tell the fat lady she's on in five. - Riddler

I hate to disappoint you but my rubber lips are immune to your charms. - Robin

So many people to kill... so little time. - Poision Ivy

Tonight, hell freezes over! - Mr Freeze

It was noble of that animal to hurl himself into the path of that final torpedo. He gave his life for ours - Batman

Bless my dustpan! - Alfred

Holy demolition, Batman! - Robin

Holy heart failure, Batman! - Robin

Holy Long John Silver, Batman! - Robin

Holy Captain Nemo, Batman! - Robin

Holy costume party, Batman! - Robin

The batcomputer is none too frisky today, Batman. - Robin

It's all a blur. Like a horrible day-mare. - Robin

You she-devil! Have you short-circuited Batman's brain? - Robin

I bet Batman is the only one in the world with a hand steady enough to paint false fingerprints. - Robin

An older head can't be put on younger shoulders. - Batman

Stop fiddling with that atomic pile and come down here! - Batman

Careful, Robin. Both hands on the Bat-rope. - Batman

Remember Robin, always look both ways. - Batman

Of course, Robin. Even crime-fighters must eat. And especially you. You're a growing boy and you need your nutrition. - Batman

Better three hours too soon than a minute too late. - Batman

It's sometimes difficult to think clearly when you're strapped to a printing press. - Batman

This is torture, at its most bizarre and terrible. - Batman

If you can't spend it, money's just a lot of worthless paper, isn't it? - Batman

Since there is no life on Mars as we know it, there can be no intelligible Marsish language. - Batman

Whatever is fair in love and war is also fair in crimefighting. - Batman

Planting a timebomb in a local library is a felony. - Batman

...

Robert Brodrecht

2005-03-10T15:06:00.000-08:00

I was thinking... I'm glad computers are better at instructions than a human. if, for example, I had told my computer to download a folder from FTP, and it has tons of stuff in it. It first might decide to make a list of every file to download, then forget to actually create the folder that i tried to download on my desktop. It would then copy the entire directory onto my desktop. After it finishes, it would say, "Ah, crap, I was supposed to put that in a folder!" It would then create the folder and try to remember what all it moved down and try to put it in the folder. Unfortunatly, it would probably forget a few items and falsely remember a few. So, I would end up with several files still on my desktop that were from FTP and several files in the FTP folder that were previously on my desktop. Then I'd have to yell at it until it got it right. - Robert Brodrecht

I'm glad that I'm a pedesterian because I don't have to pull over to the side of the side walk when a fire truck goes by. - Robert Brodrecht

Who is Robert Brodrecht? Go here

Classic Bugs Bunny Quotes

2005-03-10T14:20:00.000-08:00

Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive. - Bugs Bunny

OOH! Look at four-legged airplane! - Bugs Bunny

Carrots are devine... You get a dozen for a dime, It's maaaa-gic! - Bugs Bunny

Eeeeeeh, watch me paste that pathetic palooka with a powerful, pachydermous, percussion pitch. - Bugs Bunny

What an embezzle! What an ultramaroon! - Bugs Bunny

I knew I shoulda taken that left turn at Albuquerque! - Bugs Bunny

Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven...'cause it hasn't! - Bugs Bunny

Well, what did you expect in an opera? A happy ending? - Bugs Bunny

Do you happen to know what the penalty is for shooting a fricaseeing rabbit without a fricaseeing rabbit license? - Bugs Bunny

I wonder what the poor bunnies are doing this season? - Bugs Bunny

Oh, well, we almost had a romantic ending! - Bugs Bunny

My, I'll bet you monsters lead innnnteresting lives. - Bugs Bunny

Of course you realize this means war! - Bugs Bunny

Gee, ain't I a stinker? - Bugs Bunny

Here I go with the timid little woodland creature bit again. It's shameful, but...ehhh, it's a living. - Bugs Bunny

I bet you say that to all the wabbits. - Bugs Bunny

For shame, doc. Hunting rabbits with an elephant gun. Why don't you shoot yourself an elephant? - Bugs Bunny

I know this defies the law of gravity, but I never studied law! - Bugs Bunny

Eh, what's up, doc? - Bugs Bunny

Jumpin' without a parachute? Kinda dangerous, ain't it? - Bugs Bunny

If it's the Captain's Mess, let him clean it up. - Bugs Bunny

Hey, I found Nemo! - Bugs Bunny

Shhhhhhhh! I'm about to defy you. - Bugs Bunny

And remember, 'mud' spelled backwards is 'dum'. - Bugs Bunny

Ah, your brother blows bubble gum! - Bugs Bunny

I'll be scared later. Right now I'm too mad. - Bugs Bunny

The way I run this thing you'd think I knew something about it. - Bugs Bunny

Well, it's 5 o'clock somewhere. - Bugs Bunny

Homer J. Simpson

2005-03-09T12:23:00.000-08:00

Alright Brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But lets just do this, and I can get back to killing you with beer. - Homer Simpson

Can you believe it!? Pretty soon, I'll be able to quit my job and live off the boy! - Homer Simpson

Kill my boss?!? Do I dare live out the american dream? - Homer Simpson

If something is too hard, give it up. The moral my boy is too never try anything. - Homer Simpson

Son, when you participate in sporting events, its not whether you win or loose, its how drunk you get. - Homer Simpson

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand. - Homer Simpson

Marge, old people don't need companionship, they need to be isolated and studied to see what useful nutrients can be obtained from them... - Homer Simpson

Mmmm...Forbidden donut - Homer Simpson

Blame the guy who doesn't speak Engish. - Homer Simpson

You never know when an old calendar might come in handy! Sure, it's not 1985 right now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring? - Homer Simpson

Kids, if he (Grandpa) starts acting weird, lead him down into the basement. - Homer Simpson

The other day I was so desperate for a beer, I snuck into the football stadium and ate the dirt under the bleachers. - Homer Simpson

Heh Heh Heh! Lisa! Vampires are make believe, just like elves and gremlins and eskimos! - Homer Simpson

Alright Brain...Its all up to you - Homer Simpson

Be quiet, Brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip - Homer Simpson

Ahh, Beer! My one weakness...my Achilles Heel, if you will... - Homer Simpson

Marge! Look at all this great stuff I found at the Marina. It was just sitting in some guy's boat! - Homer Simpson

Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family. - Homer Simpson

This donut has purple in the middle, purple is a fruit. - Homer Simpson

Guys are always patting my bald head for luck, pinching my belly to hear my girlish laugh... - Homer Simpson

AHHH. Donuts. . . What can't they do. - Homer Simpson

Asleep at the switch? I wasn't asleep, I was drunk! - Homer Simpson

If he's so smart, how come he's dead? - Homer Simpson

The food was not undelicious. - Homer Simpson

I don't apologize. I am sorry Lisa, that's the way I am. - Homer Simpson

Dear Homer, IOU one emergency donut. Signed Homer. Bastard! He's always one step ahead. - Homer Simpson

Do I know what rhetorical means? - Homer Simpson

Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them. - Homer Simpson

I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off! - Homer Simpson

I promised my boy one simple thing : lots of riches, and that man broke my promise! - Homer Simpson

I'm in a place where I don't know where I am! - Homer Simpson

Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk. - Homer Simpson

Lord help me, I'm just not that bright. - Homer Simpson

Now Bart, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break yours. - Homer Simpson

Trying is the first step towards failure. - Homer Simpson

That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college! - Homer Simpson

There's a New Mexico?!? - Homer Simpson

They have the Internet on computers, now? - Homer Simpson

Wait a minute. I'm a guy like me! - Homer Simpson

Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population : you.' - Homer Simpson

Boy, everyone is stupid except me. - Homer Simpson

Wow. A baby and a free burger. Could this be the best day of my life? - Homer Simpson

Jerry Seinfield

2005-03-08T17:16:00.000-08:00

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day just exactly fits in the newspaper. - Jerry Seinfield

I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him? - Jerry Seinfield

Introducing 'Lite' - The new way to spell 'Light', but with twenty per cent fewer letters. - Jerry Seinfield

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end. - Jerry Seinfield

A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy. - Jerry Seinfield

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking. - Jerry Seinfield

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.- Jerry Seinfield

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV. - Jerry Seinfield

I see TV ads about detergents that can get blood stains out of your cloths. I say if you have blood stains on your cloths you should be thinking about something other than laundry. - Jerry Seinfield

I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup? - Jerry Seinfield

Ya know, I don't get it. I'm not allowed to ask a Chinese person where a Chinese restaurant is? Aren't we all getting a little too sensitive? If somebody asks me which way is Israel, I don't fly off the handle. - Jerry Seinfield

If I wanted a long, boring story with no point to it, I've got my life. - Jerry Seinfield

I was in front of an ambulance the other day, and I noticed that theword "ambulance" was spelled in reverse print on the hood of the ambulance.And I thought, "Well, isn't that clever." I look in the rear-view mirror,I can read the word "ambulance" behind me. Of course while you're reading,you don't see where you're going, you crash, you need an ambulance. I thinkthey're trying to drum up some business on the way back from lunch. - Jerry Seinfield

You can measure distance by time. "How far away is it?" "Oh about20 minutes." But it doesn't work the other way. "When do you get offwork?" "Around 3 miles." - Jerry Seinfield

W. C. Fields

2005-03-03T09:11:00.000-08:00

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

Salmonella

2005-03-02T09:04:00.000-08:00

If chicken gets salmonella, does that mean salmon gets chickenella?

2005-03-01T15:08:00.000-08:00

"What's another word for thesaurus?" - Steven Wright.
"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life." - Terry Pratchett.

"Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage." - Ambrose Bierce

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?" - Steven Wright.

"If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving." - Henry Youngman.

"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe." - Jimmy Durante.

"Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos." - Homer Simpson

"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early." - Charles Lamb.

"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough." - Mario Andretti.

"Whoever said 'nothings impossible' never tried to nail jell-o to a tree" - Lisa Bryant

"If they can send one man to the moon why can't they send them all?" - Amy

"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder"- Anon

The Universe...

2005-03-01T15:05:00.000-08:00

My waist line is like the universe; constantly expanding.

2005-02-25T12:55:00.000-08:00

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning." Rich Cook.

"Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer." Rita May Brown

"Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers." Leonard Brandwein.

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you." Rita Mae Brown.

"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either." Dick Cavett.

"I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets." Dave Edison.

"If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?"Art Hoppe.

"I would have made a good Pope." Richard Nixon.

"The Internet is a gateway to get on the net." Bob Dole.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers We are the president." Hillary Clinton

Well Well Well...

2005-02-24T17:17:00.000-08:00

3 deep subjects...

Great Yogi Bear Quotes

2005-02-24T16:59:00.000-08:00

"I never blame myself when I'm not hitting. I just blame the bat and if it keeps up I change bats.... After all, if I know it isn't my fault that I'm not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?"

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"Slump? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hitting."

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"You give a hundred percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough,

in the second half you give what's left."

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"Nobody goes to that restaurant anymore, it's too crowded."

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Carmen Berra: "Yogi, I went to see Dr. Zhivago today."

Yogi: "Now what's wrong with you?"

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Larry Berra to his father: "Hey, Dad, the man is here for the venetian blind."

Yogi: Well, go in my pocket and give him a couple of bucks for a donation and get rid of him.

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"[When introduced to writer Ernest Hemingway] Yeah, what paper you write for, Ernie?"

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"It gets late early out there"

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"I really didn't say everything I said"

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"Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical."

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"You can observe a lot by watching."

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"In baseball, you don't know nothing."

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"A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore."

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"It's deja vu all over again."

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"If you come to a fork in the road, take it."

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"Think! How the hell are you gonna think and hit at the same time?"

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"I usually take a two hour nap, from one o'clock to four."

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"If people don't want to come out to the park, nobody's going to stop them."

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"Why buy good luggage? You only see it when you travel."

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Hey Yogi, what time is it?

"You mean now?"

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On being asked his cap size at the beginning of spring training.

"I don't know, I'm not in shape."

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On why the Yankees lost the 1960 series to Pittsburgh:

"We made too many wrong mistakes."

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On Rickey Henderson:

"He can run anytime he wants. I'm giving him the red light."

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On Ted Williams:

"He is a big clog in their machine."

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On being told by the wife of New York Mayor John V. Lindsay that he looked cool despite the heat:

"You don't look so hot, either."

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On Yogi Berra appreciation day in St. Louis 1947:

"I want to thank you all for making this day necessary."

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On the tight 1973 National League pennant race:

"It ain't over 'til its over."

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On being asked why Johnny Bench hit more homeruns than he did:

"Most of his homeruns were hit on artificial turf."

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"Eighty percent of putts that fall short don't go in."

What is Action?

2005-02-18T09:54:00.000-08:00

Actions are greater than words.

A picture is worth 1000 words.

The human eye's perception of motion is 24 frames per second.

Conclusion...

Actions move at a minimum rate of 24,000 words per second.